Saturday, 2 September 2017

Do YOU understand your council? I don't.

Councils are very hard to understand. I heard on the radio this morning that 7 million actions have been taken this year by council bin-snoop police throughout the country, many resulting in income for said councils in the form of fines. One lady in the midlands was fined £50 for throwing a jam jar into her full paper-cardboard recycle bin. They should be glad she recycles anything, given the shameful way the residents of our apartment block carry on!

Yes, councils continually cry poverty, yet pay very senior staff a fortune (not the humble coal-face workers dealing with an often very-miffed public; I mean they pay a fortune to the ones with strings of meaningless letters after their name and who use just an initial and surname so you don't know whether they are a Mr, Mrs, Miss or a combination of all three. I mean, if you get a letter from "A Jobsworth" would you know whether they are a Mr, Mrs, Miss or a combination of all three?).

They come up with wonderful ideas such as wholesale traffic disruption (in Manchester, for examplr, Salford and Bury respectively having £800k to spare on the Great Clowes Street cycle-lane farce and £2million spare to turn Prestwich into the Kensington of the North). That's almost £3million available on barn-pot schemes no one actually wanted or welcomed).

They collect vast fortunes in council tax from areas with very small council-spend footprints (blocks of flats - e.g. 80 units at £1,000 a year). They also collect a further fortune from the likes of car-parking taxes (parking AND fines), taxi driver licensing, business rates and various business licenses. And if you want, for example, to put up scaffolding, use a cherry picker or obtain leisure function permissions, yes, you guessed, you have to pay the council for a license.

And then they wonder why, with a former mayor ["Gorgeous" George Galloway's bosom-buddy Lutfur Rahman - sheep of a fleece stick together] so crooked he used to have to come to work in a steam-press (prior to being banned for 5 years from holding public office) that Tower Hamlets council isn't taken seriously.

Monday, 2 January 2017

My predictions for 2017 . . . . .

Well Happy New Year to one and all. Here are few predictions to keep you all on your toes:

* The government will trigger Article 60 rather than Article 50 and the UK will head towards a very successful Breakfast, making cereal, tea and toast compulsory for all
* A call-centre telephone welcome message will announce "calls may be recorded in case you the customer or we the supplier cock it all up"
* And the Secretary of State for Business Innovation and Skills will explain exactly what the "training purposes" are that altogether piss-poor call centres record telephone conversations for
* Jeremy Corbyn will be elected Leader Hosen for Islington North and will make, as expected, a mess of flower-bed watering during the inevitable drought to be announced in July
* Diane Abbott will agree to go on a John McDonnell-sponsored 'diet', but losing out in translation, will only realise, after spending £70 on Dylon, that it wasn't a 'dye it' he was suggesting. She will also be offered a Dameship in June but will be rather disappointed when this is accompanied by a matching script for Aladdin at the Almeida Theatre in Islington
* President Donald Trump will get very annoyed when he overhears other G8 leaders discussing the schoolboy inference of the word "trump" behind his back
* Some unbelievably talent-less shouty, screamy person singing like they have constipation and is trying to evacuate themselves will win X-Factor
* Christmas decorations, selection boxes (with November sell-by date) and DFS Christmas sofas (complete with double-discount) will go on sale in July
* Amazon will announce a series of virtual reality corporation tax payments and increased virtual reality wages for warehouse staff
* The UN will accede to a takeover by Disney/Pixar and it will take Mickey Mouse and Buzz Lightyear a mere two months to successfully solve the entire current trench of crises in the Middle East
* BBC news will employ a correspondent with a pronounceable name, no linguistic inhibitions and one who doesn't wave their arms around in time to every syllable they utter
* John Kerry will be a special guest presenter on Radio 4's 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue', and he will be genuine about it. Totally clueless in fact
* The Hamas leadership will give back some of the estimated $10billion they have misappropriated from world donations over the past 10 years to the people of Gaza for building schools and hospitals
* Camelot will increase the number of balls in Lotto to 89, increase the price of tickets to £5 and increase the annual salary package of the Chief Executive to £4milion
* The price of a walk-on, anytime return train ticket from Manchester to London will reduce to £40, providing you book three years in advance
* The overpaid leaders of the two train Unions, ASLEEP and the PMT, decide to have a party . . . . . at least once a month, to celebrate the misery they cause passengers while pretending they care
* Fuel will drop to 60p a litre (except for petrol and diesel)
* To help city and town centre retailers combat both out of town shopping centres and the internet, car parking in towns and cities nationally will be free (between 1am and 6am at weekends)
* RyanAir will introduce standing-only fares